If Jack turned into Elizabeth
by TheTheatreChick
Summary: Jack wakes up one day and mysteriously finds that he has turned into Elizabeth. SECOND CHAPTER UP! I plan to continue this. I originally wrote this for a fanfic contest. I hope I don't offend anyone with the second chapter lol...
1. When Jack woke up one morning

Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean, but I'd like too:D

Jack awoke one morning to find a very big surprise.

"Oh God, what a night! That's the last time I ever have sex with Barbossa and Tia Dalma and some frozen yogurt, and then there was that undead monkey...what a wild party!" He said, staring blankly around his room. His eyes were dull and drool dripped down his mouth and onto his pillow.

He rubbed his eyes, shocked to see that he had a full manicure. "Snap, what is this crap? Why are my fingers beautiful today?" He decided that he was just imagining things, and turned back around to go to sleep.

His tongue drooped out of his mouth, and brushed up against the furry side of his pillow. He spit out the taste of happiness and rainbows and looked down in dismay. Someone had also replaced his pillow with a funky fuzzy comfortable thingy that was pink and red and yellow and brown and maroon and fudge. And all the colors of the world.

He picked up the pillow "This isn't mine either! What's going on?"

In a state of panic, he ran to his closet door. It was covered with frilly ponies and unicorns. "What the hell, this isn't my room! I don't even like unicorns!" He looked in the closet. It was filled with evening gowns. "These aren't mine! (I wish they were) But these are not mine! I swear something weird is going on," He slipped on his shoes, surprised to find that they were high heels. "Someone has stolen my boots and replaced them with these painfully uncomfortable feet vehicles as well! Must've been Will…he's into kinky stuff like that…"

Jack looked into the mirror. Suddenly the reality hit him full force. He took a double take as he saw that he was no longer in his own body. He screamed "AAAAAHHHHHH! I'M A WOMAN!!!! And a flat one, too! What is this? I don't even have any boobs for me to stare at!" He stared hard in the mirror. "Oh damnit I'm Elizabeth! I should've realized sooner." He got down on his hands and knees. "WHY GOD! IF YOU WERE GOING TO MAKE ME INTO A WOMAN COULD YOU HAVE AT LEAST MADE ME INTO A HOT ONE!"

He sniffled, but decided to make the best of it. He shuffled his feet to the closet and put on the prettiest dress he could find. He put on his bonnet and tied it around his head. He thought in his mind, _If I'm Elizabeth, then who's me? And how did this happen? _

He opened the door to Elizabeth's room and ran to the kitchen. _It must've been Tia Dalma! She must've switched bodies with me and Elizabeth! _He tossed things in and out of the refrigerator. _But Elizabeth wasn't at the threesome! It was just me and Barbossa and Dalma. _He pulled out a bottle of rum. _Something fishy is up. _He chugged the rum. _I'm so confuzzled! _He tossed the empty bottle out the window. _And why is there a refrigerator here? Jesus it's like the seventeen hundreds. Did they even have toilets back then? _He heard the bottle crash and a man screaming. "Sorry Mr. Jenkins!" yelled Jack. Jack (or Elizabeth, as we should call it) stumbled out the door and walked down the street.

"I've got to find Tia Dalma and have her switch us back." He planned. "But first, I've got to find Elizabeth."


	2. When Elizabeth woke up one morning

Disclaimer: I still do not own Pirates of the Caribbean.

Elizabeth also awoke one morning to find a very big surprise, similar to Jack, but in the sense that…

"OH MY FREAKING GOD I'VE TURNED INTO JACK SPARROW!" said Elizabeth as she frantically flailed her arms around her room. "HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAAAAP!!!!" her dreadlocks flopped around uncontrollably, knocking over common house-hold items, like celery sticks and small serving sizes of Captain Crunch breakfast cereal. "What am I gonna do?" she cried, sitting down in her chair out of breath. She stared in horror at her dirty fingernails and big poofy hat and large boots and metrosexual makeup. "Will won't wanna marry me anymore, cause I'm a freaking man!" She stopped for thought "Or maybe he WILL wanna marry me cause I'm a freaking man…"

Suddenly her door slammed open to reveal her father in sexy pink furry underwear. "Hello, my little monkey…" he said affectionately

She shielded her eyes "Dad, what in God's name are you doing?" Elizabeth (now Jack) said.

"I love it when you call me Daddy, Jackie-Poo." Her dad winked at her.

"What the hell are you talking about dad, I'm your daughter!" Elizabeth shrieked.

He pulled out the whip-cream "Yeah keep talking…"

Elizabeth's eyes narrowed. "No seriously dad, I'm Elizabeth."

The sexy music in her dad's head suddenly drew to a halt. "Wha?"

"I am Elizabeth. I woke up today, and found out that I turned into Jack, but I'm still Elizabeth." She crossed her arms. "What are you doing in my underwear?"

"Uhh…." He ran out the door and down the hallway. Elizabeth heard a lot of commotion. He returned in his morning suit "What underwear?" he smirked.

"Whatever, we'll just pretend that this never happened." She sighed.

"Yeah I like that plan." He responded.

There was a very awkward silence between the two of them, as Governor Swann twiddled his fingers nervously. "Soooo, you're Jack?"

"Yay." She said flatly.

He paused. "That must suck."

"You have no idea." She flicked her poofy shirt "I smell like rum and piss, what do you think being a pirate is supposed to be feel like, happiness and Walmart? Now help me find Jack." She paced the floor of her room as the POTC theme music began to play an underscore.

"Why do you need to find Jack?"

"Cause if I'm in HIS body, and he's in mine, we've gotta know how to switch our bodies back! I don't wanna be stuck like this forever!" Her jewelry tingled around her head as she paced the floor even more.

Governor Swann mumbled to himself "I wouldn't mind being Jack Sparrow…at least I can have some fangirls and my own poster, and my own trailer and I won't have to share it with the doughnut boy anymore…"

She ignored her father's mumbling "I mean, what happens when Will comes home and I'm not Elizabeth! Then we'll NEVER get married for God's sake!"

Her father continued to fantasize about being Jack Sparrow.

"We'll have to have like, forty freaking sequels of this movie before we can get married!" Elizabeth continued to babble.

"Oh god, not another movie." Her father winced.

"You don't want us to end up like 'The Land Before Time," do you? The franchise will go on and on and then they'll hire David Hasselhoff to replace us when we get too old to do the movies anymore!"

"Gasp! Not David Hasselhoff!" Her father was appalled.

"Yes! They'll get Zac Efron to play Will, Corbin Bleu to play Jack, and for all the hell I know, I could get stuck being replaced with some retard like Ashley Tisdale or Hilary Duff or worse…LINDSAY LOHAN!!!!"

Her father collapsed from a heart attack.

"And then they'll get Tom Cruise to play YOU!"

Her father's dead body twitched at the thought of that horror.

"And then even the SOUNDTRACK people will die off, and they'll replace them with more Disney Channel Original Movie crap! Soon the whole operation will be run by teenyboppers, and we'll all get AIDS and die of sadness. So ha! Our lives will suck unless I go find Jack. Bye!" And with that, she marched out the door looking for Jack Sparrow.

But what Liz didn't know, was that Jack just happened to be her next door neighbor, and the both of them just happened to go looking for each other at the same time, but coincidentally happened to walk down the wrong street, thus walking away from each other, thus causing major conflict…dun dun dun

Haha I love plotbunnies. Next chapter up soon.


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